My Wife Isn’t Into Kink, but I am – What Should I do?

Dear Agony Aunt,
I love BDSM, but my wife doesn’t seem to be interested. How can I get her to have a little bit of kinky fun?



Dear MG,
Well first things first, I can tell you that you’re not alone. In any relationship, you’re not going to see eye to eye on everything, from what to watch on TV, to in your case, what things you’re into sexually.

Unfortunately some people just aren’t into kink, and that’s perfectly fine, although I can understand it must get very frustrating. I would suggest you have a good talk with your wife, and explain to her what elements of BDSM you like, then she can explain why she’s not interested and what she’s up for trying. From communicating in an open and honest matter like this, hopefully you can reach a compromise where you can both be happy and comfortable.

If she agrees to try some things, remember to be grateful! Experimenting with sex can be a huge thing for some people, and it takes a lot of courage to take that first leap. Maybe showing her some informative blogs about what you’re into could help explain how un-scary kink is! I would also recommend a couples beginner bondage kit, as the items in here are very user friendly and not intimidating in the slightest – which is what you want!

However, if she’s still not interested then there’s not much that can be done, you just have to keep an open channel of communication about your sex life at all times. FetLife (a popular social media site for those who love kink) have many message boards with advice specifically for kinky people in vanilla relationships – so hopefully you can find some more advice there if that’s the outcome.

I wish you all the best,
Agony Aunt


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