Intro To BDSM – Lets Get Started!

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Now, chances are (if you haven’t been living under a rock), you will have heard about BDSM. But just what is it? What does it stand for? Is it all whips and chains and secrecy? With pop culture and the mainstream starting to embrace sexuality and expression in all its many forms (just look at the success of 50 Shades, however inaccurate and disliked it might be, you must admit – it got everyone talking about kink), why not educate yourself? And who knows, you might like it.

The acronym BDSM can be split into three parts

  • Bondage and Discipline
  • Domination and Submission
  • Sadism and Masochism

Bondage and Discipline refers to two main acts of BDSM play. Bondage refers to things such as restraint, tying up, and reduction of physical movement. Discipline is just what it sounds like, the submissive being punished for actions their Dominant is not happy with, within the play. This punishment can be given through tasks, humiliation, pain (more on that in a bit), or any way the Dom/me chooses.

Domination and Submissive refers to the exchange of power between those participating in BDSM “play”. Although there are two positions of status within this play it does not mean it is limited to two people at a time. Those who are Dominant, sometimes referred to as the Dom (male) or Domme (female), is the person who makes the rules during the session – the person who “wears the trousers” so to speak. The submissive takes a more reserved and obedient role. A Dominant/submissive relationship can be explored through forms of role play – for example Master (or Mistress)/slave, Owner/pet, Teacher/student, or whatever takes your fancy – experimenting is all about letting your imagination run wild in a safe and consensual environment.

Sadism and masochism is probably the most widely recognised part of BDSM, but its not compulsory. Sadism means to find pleasure in the act of inflicting (consensual and controlled) pain. This is usually done by the Dominant. Masochism is finding pleasure in receiving pain, which is usually the stance taken by the submissive if they choose to include pain play in their sessions.

A key thing to remember about not just kinky sex, but all sex, is that its about what everyone is comfortable with and enjoys. Pressuring a partner is never okay, and can put people into uncomfortable situations that they don’t want to be in. This is why communication is so important, and why safe words exist within BDSM.

A safeword is something you can say during BDSM acts when you feel unhappy with what is happening, for example something hurts too much, or just when you want to stop. It should be a word that you wouldn’t regularly say during sex, many people use colours as a safe word, for example Red. If using things like gags or masks which would stop the submissive from being clearly heard, a gesture should act as a signal to stop. Safewords and actions should always be discussed prior to BDSM play, along with limits (I.e. what you are willing and not willing to do).

Once you have discussed safewords and limits with your partner, now the fun can begin. Start off slowly, get to know what each other likes and the kind of dynamic that you have. Who’s more dominant? Will pain be a factor in the play? What’s each others limits?

bdsm beginners kitAn intro to S&M kit is perfect for couples who are just starting to explore kink, and they contain fairly soft-core toys like fluffy handcuffs, blindfolds, and a light whip. Blindfolds are a great way to ease into the action, as shutting down one of the senses (in this case it’s sight) is an interesting way to give up control and give yourself over to your partner. Handcuffs would be the next step, and restricting your partners movement can give you the perfect opportunity to be a tease. If handcuffs are still a little tough for you, try a scarf or a tie for a more spontaneous feel. If you’re happy with how the blindfold and handcuffs have gone, you can start to experiment with the whip. Don’t jump straight in with hits, try lightly tickling and caressing your partner (this will be extra hot if they’re also blindfolded and handcuffed at the same time). Try a few light taps with the whip, on fleshy parts of your partner like their thighs or bum. Depending on their reaction, increase the intensity, but there’s no harm in taking this slowly, this is a fun learning experience and there’s absolutely no competition of “Who can be the most kinky”.

So, that’s the Honour Intro to BDSM, if this has caught your interest, stay tuned for more posts which will delve deeper into the world of kink – such as spanking, rope bondage, clamps, and other forms of play. Leave a comment with what you’d like to see on our blog!

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